Following the recent discovery of Katherine Jenkins' supposed demands on her hotel room and from observing the most flamboyant and extravagant female opera singers of today, I feel compelled to collate and share my observations for all those aspiring, fame-seeking singers. I am certain that...by following these simple 5 steps, you too could become an opera diva!
1. Perfect the look of expectant applause when entering the stage. Indeed this can be developed by the same look being repeated during any length of musical interlude between singing.
2. Wear as much Bling as possible - this will ensure that you will glitter and sparkle on stage, drawing the audience's attention and blinding all other singers on stage.
3. Act the bimbo! Granted, you may have a degree from a top University and studied with tutors across the world, but it appears that vacancy sells! Accompany this with a blond rinse and you'll be laughing your way to the nearest Tiffany's.
4. Always have the last word - or note in this instance. Regardless of whether you are singing a dramatic quartet or a final love duet before your dying moments, sing loud, proud...and that little bit too long!
5. Ensure your flowers are bigger and better than anyone else on stage! If this means paying the stage hand an 'exclusive favour' then so be it!
1. Perfect the look of expectant applause when entering the stage. Indeed this can be developed by the same look being repeated during any length of musical interlude between singing.
2. Wear as much Bling as possible - this will ensure that you will glitter and sparkle on stage, drawing the audience's attention and blinding all other singers on stage.
3. Act the bimbo! Granted, you may have a degree from a top University and studied with tutors across the world, but it appears that vacancy sells! Accompany this with a blond rinse and you'll be laughing your way to the nearest Tiffany's.
4. Always have the last word - or note in this instance. Regardless of whether you are singing a dramatic quartet or a final love duet before your dying moments, sing loud, proud...and that little bit too long!
5. Ensure your flowers are bigger and better than anyone else on stage! If this means paying the stage hand an 'exclusive favour' then so be it!
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Rule 1: Never talk about Diva Guide.
ReplyDeleteRule 2: Never talk about Diva Guide
Rule 3: If you drop all your music after making your DivaEntrance, suggest, with a waft of the hand, that the conductor should pick it up, even if he is a senior Knight of the Empire:
http://intermezzo.typepad.com/intermezzo/2009/09/linda-di-chamounix-in-concert-royal-opera-house-covent-garden.html
OK link cut off, go to
ReplyDeletehttp://intermezzo.typepad.com/intermezzo/2009/09/
and scroll to 'Linda di Chamounix opens Royal Opera House season'
Firstly, as an occasional participant in KJ's orchestras I feel obliged to step in. It's not really clear that these were her 'demands', rather than a Heepishly solicitous gesture from a hotelier looking for some free PR (maybe I'm wrong, who knows).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, back to tips for real divas. Divas, why not take a tip from the world of hip-hop and launch your own fragrance? And be sure to use the florid language of opera promotion when marketing - it will be more appealing to the drooling, gullible and pointlessly wealthy customer with $$$ to spray up the wall who you need to attract if you want to keep your profile high.